I feel like I could have really used these in my... →
When I waited in Paris for the metro
My brother and I converse in broken French and abbreviated English, slurring our words. We let the wine, the beer, the absinthe, the everything, take hold of us and lead us into the night. I can’t feel my body, but for some reason I have never been so alive. And although I am breathing, feeling, thinking, writing, I am certain I am not alone. Because with every breath I take, I know the...
Hockey in our house
Z: Did you watch that video of Pietrangelo I was telling you about?
B: Crap, I forgot. To be honest with you, I only want to watch a video of him if it's a sex tape.
Z: Well. He rapes the goalie.
The first crack of thunder put the concert to an abrasive halt. And then there was this weird silence. And we froze, like someone greater than us was taking a picture to remember that moment forever. And the rain continued to fall and we stood there. Barefoot. My cigarette soggy and my pupils still dilated. We sat down on the tarp hoping the downpour would pass, but it continued to hiss...
Me: Do you know who Jon Hamm is? I met him last night!
(3 DAYS GO BY)
Mom: OMG Jon Hamm!?
BAD MOB NICKNAMES
doubleghost: Mickey “Nice Duvet” Dentico Tony Walnuts (Organic) NPR Joey Johnny Great Hugs Mikey “the Wheat Allergy” Fratianno Bobby Metrosexual Nicky “Funny E-mail Forward” Galante Paulie Spin Class Vinnie the Killer (of Environmental Ignorance) Tommy Weekend Jazz Ensemble
An important question
I love watching the show Million Dollar Listing. I used to watch it for this nutjob, Chad, who was (actually I’m sure he still is) hilarious. Funny, like, laughing AT him. Not with him. Anyway, he’s not on it anymore, but completely giant and useless houses are. Like, laughing AT them, not with them. And every time I see one of these 15 bedroom, 9 bathroom houses, I IMMEDIATELY think,...
I’m already sick of the man who will forever be known as Bud Fox. Can’t we just sentence him to coaching a band of misfit hockey players in suburban Minnesota? Seemed to work pretty well for his brother.